Journal

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Marcus

Play: Funeral Parlor
Author: Christopher Durang
Role: Marcus
Age: 30 – 50
Style: Comedic
Time: 1:15
Source: Christopher Durang Volume I: 27 Short Plays
ISBN-10: 188039989X
ISBN-13: 978-1880399897

Susan, I’m so sorry. Death is always a shock. You’re sitting at home doing nothing, and then suddenly death goes “BOO!’, and someone falls down dead. What were his last words? Were they “BOO”? Did he make any noises? Guttural sorts of noises? Or high-pitched-shrieking ones? Eeeeeek! Eeeeeeek! Awooooga! Awooooooga!

Oh, Susan, you poor thing. All alone in the house now. Alone in the kitchen. Alone in the dining room. Alone in the living room – living room, that’s a mocking phrase now, isn’t it? Alone, alone, alone.

You have to mourn, Susan. I always thought the Irish were right to do all that keening. Do you want to keen, Susan? How about singing a spiritual? SWING LOW SWEET CHARIOT, COMING FOR TO… Susan, you are avoiding the sadness, I can’t let you do that.

We’re going to miss him on the commuter train. We use to exchange morning pleasantries. You know your husband was the only person on that whole damn train who was even willing to speak to me. The other people would get panic in their eyes if I even started to walk in their direction.

Your husband, though, was always very friendly to me. Not like my father. Nowadays my father won’t even return my phone calls. Well he’s dead, but I have this medium friend who gave me this special 800 number that lets you call the dead. Maybe you’d like the number to try to reach your husband on the other side.

Are you leaving?

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A Note On Callbacks

Yesterday, I said I might age myself for a callback. Typically this is the wrong thing to do. Depending on where you are being called back to, say New York or Los Angeles, you should return to the callback exactly like you did for the initial audition. Well as much as possible. When directors, casting directors, agents, etc., see hundreds of people in a very short time, it is hard for them to remember what you looked like before. Yes you did give them a headshot, but how many of us always look like our headshot all the time. And a headshot is just that… your head.

If you return to the callback looking exactly like you did during the audition, the auditors have a better chance of remembering who you were and why they called you back. And in the end, that could be more important that you actually getting a role for what you auditioned for. Say a month or two latter the auditors are working on a new project, they just might remember you and give you a call.

I know the auditors for this audition/callback very well. I have worked with them before so I really don’t have to worry about them remembering me. I am not going to go overboard with aging and actually the only thing I will end up doing is making my hair a little more respectable.

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Auditioned for The Mousetrap

I auditioned for The Mousetrap at Red Clay Theatre Tuesday. My appointment was for 7:25 but I arrived early and was able to do my audition early. I was immediately approached by a guy I have seen in various auditions around town. Could not remember his name at the moment, but I know now: Bob Smith. Nice guy.

At the sign in table was a “Guest Artist” from Barefoot in the Park, the DELIVERY MAN was such a small role, that Button Theatre decided to sale the role. I don’t remember her name. I am so bad with names.

Once in the theatre to audition, the auditors were Ginny Lockhart (Assistant Director of Barefoot in the Park) and Kelly Knowlton (Stage Manager for Barefoot in the Park). They had me do a dramatic monologue and then the same monologue with a British accent. I had been working on a British Northern accent (Yorkshire) so I did that. The stopped me about half way though and said that is all they needed to see. Very quick.

I did find out that because so many people wanted to audition for the play, Monday night was added a an additional night for auditions. That is great.

Today, I received an email inviting me back for Thursday’s callback for the role of MAJOR METCALF. There were two other recipients on that email: Bob Smith mentioned above and George Crolius who I have seen at auditions around town as well. There may be more than the three of us called back for that role.

Of the three, I think I look least like I have retired from the British Army. I can add makeup and age myself. I may do a little of that for the callback.

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Charles

Play: Romance in D
Author: James Sherman
Role: Charles Norton
Age: 40
Style: Dramatic

Why did I want to kiss you? I don’t know. It has something to do with the fact that I think you’re beautiful. I think you’re very smart. I wanted to kiss you from the moment I first saw you through the peephole.

And then you came to my place. If you hadn’t done that… You could have lived in this apartment for twenty years before I came over here. But you wanted to talk. To “make a connection”. You’re not chronically depressed. You’re chronically alive.

I kept telling myself over and over, “Don’t fall in love. Don’t fall in love.” And I’m in love goddamnit!

By the time my father was my age, he had a wife, two children, a thriving business, and a hobby. Look at me, his son. I have a survival job and a single bed.

Listen. You’re embarrassed. I’m embarrassed. Let’s just forget the whole thing, okay?

I shouldn’t have kissed you. I shouldn’t have said anything. I don’t want a relationship.

You know why not. If we have a relationship, we’re going to have to sit around and talk about “Can we compromise” and “Can we meet halfway” and “Can we work together”.  And all it means is that one of us going to get hurt and it’s probably going to be me.

I’ve been dumped really hard before. I just don’t want it to happen to me again. I have my work. And I have my music. And I have a life. I don’t want to mess it up.

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Auditioned for The 5th Great Ape on Sunday

So I leave the house with my wife. Her car is at my parents. Drop her off.

Almost out of gas. Fill Up.

Then I need to stop by work because that is where the directions to the audition are located. Get those.

Make it to the parking deck and I cannot find a parking spot. Well I do find some but not any I can get into. Very small parking deck at Emory University. I think it was for that quadrant of the campus and everybody was on campus on Sunday. What is even worse about this parking deck is that it has three entrances. So after driving around this deck, exiting from one entrance and entering again from another I finally find a spot. Still have to pull part way in, back up to straighten and finally I am parked.

Entered on the first level, parked on the second and had to go up the stairs to exit on the street I wanted. On the way up the stairs, I tripped and put some wrinkles in my headshots.

Entered the building where the auditions are being held on the second floor. I’m on the first. I don’t see any stairs so I walk around. Don’t see an elevator or stairs. I walk a complete circuit of the first floor and return to the door I enter. There is a small sign saying stairs in this little alcove with a door that I first assumed as a janitor’s closet. This alcove was small with pipes coming out of the wall and a small door beyond. I mean a small door. I wonder how many people have walked into this building looking for a way to the second floor and leaving in frustration.

So into this little alcove, past the pipes and open the door, and indeed there are stairs. Up the stairs and there are two doors to exit out of. No signs. Ok. Let’s go left. And there is a sign with an arrow pointing toward the auditions. OK, we are making progress. Around the corner is a table with someone sitting at it. No sign saying sign in, but it looks like the right place so I stand there for a second and look at the papers on the table. Finally the girls says, “Fill out this form and here is additional information. What is your name?”

Fill out paperwork, turn it in with headshots and then sit and wait. Amazingly, I only have to wait about a minute. Apparently the person before me has not shown up yet.

In the room are 3 people: Ariel de Man (director), Ken Weitzman (writer) and third guy whose name I cannot remember (sorry about that). All very nice people. So I do a dramatic monologue and then Ariel has me read the first Scientist side. They were all smiles when I finished so I know I didn’t do a bad job. It sounded as if things were going very well for the auditions; there were not going to be any callbacks. The schedule over the weekend sounded aggressive, so I am sure they gave offers for roles yesterday.

Thankfully, leaving was a lot easier than arriving.